Well I saw Chelsea's entries and decided I should write one on what I am reading as well.

I too read through Blue Like Jazz and thought it was an interesting book. A very raw look at spirituality. As I finished the book two thoughts stuck with me recently. One was do we view love through an economic metaphor. The author of the book talks about how we as a culture predominantly view love through this metaphor. We value people, we look at what someone does for us before we want to give them something back, we view things in terms of what will I get if I give something. I had to stop and think about my own relationships and wondered is this really the way I would look at someone and think about loving them? To be honest ,I do think, that from time to time this is the way I grant my love to others. I honestly would have to say even in my weakest points I momentarily love my wife this way. So I wondered where else this might be in place and had to admit that most likely it was in dealing with new acquaintances. With strangers I have this tendency to just give out love and not expect anything back as I don't really know them. So this is something I am still just thinking about and what it would mean if in all relationships this metaphor was changed to one that could and would just unconditionally give love to everyone and never expect anything back.

The other thing from this book that I am still pondering is the authors take on "Love your neighbor as yourself." We all know this quote, and when we think of it, we think of how we should treat our neighbors and the strangers we meet in our life. However, for one with a low self-esteem what does that mean to me. How about switching that statement to say Love yourself as you love your neighbor. Not in a selfish or self absorbed way, but rather look at yourself and love your self the same way you love your neighbors. It is true that I love my neighbors more than I love myself. Chelsea will oven give me compliments or uplift me and my normal response is her favorite word whatever. So this is something else I am thinking about.

I am also reading His Majesty's Dark Materials, this is a fantasy trilogy. The interesting thing is his world view. He has a mix between a Christian world view and a cyclical reincarnation world view. The characters in the book are chasing after Dust aka Shadows aka Dark Matter which later you find out are spirits and are gearing up for an epic war against the Authority or the god of all. Not only do they think they can battle the Authority they also believe they can win and make the fall never happen and make sin go away forever, but that it must be done by them. He uses this idea along with the idea that there are several world that exist which we cannot see each with its own unique characteristics but all are similar in that humans have a personal soul that either manifest itself outwardly or not, and that in all the worlds the Church is an evil force. The result is that the people need to rebel against the Church and in doing so need to kill the Authority. The Church of course does not think they are evil, but rather want to find ways to destroy original sin. The premise revolve around children and how they are not affected by any of this, and thus the answer to this mystery rests on them.

I have just finished the second book in the trilogy and am waiting to see where he will take it with the 3rd book.

Was talking with a friend last night and he mentioned the possibility of getting kicked out of a country if he went to visit some friends there. When I asked him why, it was about not being able to keep quiet about the atrocities he may see. My friend is great and I know he is sincere but it made me think about America. Do we have atrocities here we over look? Do we have things that go on here that others may think of in the same way that we have grown callous to over time?

I think of my brother and all the hardships he has gone through. I think of his classmates from high school and the stories they would tell of what would happen to them at home. Children who would be locked in rooms or closets until the bus would pick them up, children who were sexually abused, children who were physically abused, and the list could go on. Some responses the students gave was well I am deaf they are hearing who would believe me over them? Then watching my brother who is very smart and should easily find a job, but could not. I went down to help him find a job one summer and saw first hand how bad it could get. Signs that said "Help Wanted", phone calls and interviews scheduled and when he showed up the response was umm sorry we don't need help anymore, umm sorry we can't do the interview now. Yet if I called the same companies back and ask if they still needed help they would say yes we do come on in, or sure we can do an interview now. Even when confronted about it they would just clam up and walk away and not even want to deal with us.

At the DMV my brother applied to get a new drivers license and they were shocked and said well he is deaf he can't drive. Or asked questions like can he read? Can he even get a license? Then they would talk and get a bunch of people to watch and ohh and ahh at the fact he was signing and applying for a drivers license. At the doctors office they will refuse to see him. A friend of mine from Greensboro woke up in the hospital with a tube in his side one day after being rushed to the emergency room and had no idea what it was for or why it was needed. When someone asked they said it was too hard to ask him and they were not going to get an interpreter and just did it. After a couple of us fought for an interpreter he got one, but still come on you don't just say things like.

So I wonder what others are there? Are there other groups of people like the deaf who many have no idea about? I know about the deaf because of what my brother has has gone through and being part of the deaf culture growing up. I wonder at what atrocities are here that I have over looked and am blind to without really looking into. What is in America that we just overlook and ignore as we have grown up and become used to?

So I thank my friend for bring that up, not to hurt his feelings or question his motives, but for making me think about what my own country needs and what in my country am I blind to?

Chelsea and I decided to take a retreat just for ourselves. We went to this nice retreat area up in the "mountains" of the Napa Valley. We enjoyed the one night we stayed up there and the small hike we did the next day. We were going to go on a longer hike but got distracted by all the wonderful wildlife we saw.

Most of our days were spent in meditation and talking about goals we had for our family for the next year. We spent the days in beautiful Calistoga. The city was small but had several really good restaurants. Our favorite was lunch on the last day we were up there. We ate at a restaurant called Wappo. Not only was the food really good, but the atmosphere was great. All the seating we had was outdoors in the wonderful sunny CA weather. The seating was neat as the "ceiling" was a trellis with grape vines winding up and through the planks up top. The grapes were hanging down through the trellis and being grape season there were several bunches ready to pluck. There was a waterfall in the middle of the seating area as well.

We left the area after having a great time with each other and talking about what we wanted for ourselves and our family of the course of the next year.